My roommate, who I had only met over the telephone before arriving in Virginia, was an exceptionally intelligent young woman. At the top of her class in geology, she had spent the summer as an intern with the United States Geological Survey and held the office of president of the Earth Sciences club. I had never met anyone like Tamara. Most of my friends were the average type like me who either had to work especially hard for good grades or chose not to apply themselves and settled for mediocrity. Geniuses enjoyed prestigious internships while commoners spent the summer months working in retail shops and restaurants. Jealous of Tamara’s intellectual gifts, I became more determined to identify my own. While I spent the weekends studying and working on term papers, Tamara disappeared to visit her boyfriend, whom she had met during her internship.
Initially Tamara and I enjoyed a pleasant easygoing friendship. We rarely saw each other during the week and when we did it was only for a few minutes of polite conversation. I relished the weekends alone when Tamara departed after class on Friday to meet her beau. Although I spent those days studying and enjoying the peacefulness of my own company, I often went out in the evenings with my new friends. Although I maintained a long-distance relationship with Devin, I also had several dates. While none of them materialized into anything serious, I delighted to know that young men still found me attractive. I became so used to Tamara leaving the apartment that when she stayed home for the weekend, I was unhappy. I particularly did not enjoy the occasions when her boyfriend visited. For a smart girl, she behaved stupidly with this fellow. I came home from the library one evening only to find them in a compromising position on the living room couch. She obviously longed for privacy as much as I did. However, since I had no place to go, she could count on my presence every Saturday and Sunday.
Tamara’s boyfriend probably also had roommates, as Tamara seemed frustrated to have no romantic hideaway. Apparently she would have preferred to live alone, but since her older brother graduated, she had to accept roommates into the townhouse her parents purchased for their children’s college years. She became obnoxious and constantly pestered me about cleaning the apartment. Since my mother had also been fastidiously neat and usually forced me to clean the house for her, I did not respond well to Tamara’s badgering. She staged candlelight dinners on Saturday evenings that made me so uncomfortable I retreated into my room or went to campus to study, rewarding Tamara with the result she desired. From this experience, I learned never to live with a roommate who owns the property, since it is impossible to be on equal footing with that person.
In spite of my cheerful perspective, Tamara was not the only problem in my new life in Virginia. When I began to approach professors about my research interests, I found few to be receptive. The professors wanted students to work on pre-existing funded projects that awaited completion for publication or grant renewal. The one faculty member whom I thought might support my interest in bridal consumer behavior laughed and declared, “Everything is already known about brides.” My face burned with embarrassment. I moved all the way to Virginia to find out that my novel ideas were tired and ridiculous. The professor who had left the university the previous year expressed interest in my proposal. I could not understand why no one else shared her enthusiasm.
Gathering my dignity, I headed upstairs to talk to my assistantship supervisor. Dr. Victoria Perez worked for the University Extension Service and performed additional research in consumer panel testing. This grandmotherly professor was the saving grace of my tenure at Virginia University. She provided stimulating work for my assistantship, spent time mentoring me and invited me to her home for Thanksgiving dinner. I repeated the fashion professor’s disquieting remark about bridal consumers as a research population.
Dr. Perez’s face twisted into an amused grin. “Nobody ever knows everything about anything,” she stated matter-of-factly. “That is why we are here; to continue to discover whatever interests us or whatever a grantor is willing to fund.”
I interviewed every professor in the department and found no matches for my proposal. One had presented an interesting option to study international trade issues, which would be relevant considering the increase in Asian imports in the American bridal apparel marketplace. However, the career options he described did not intrigue me. Most of his students held undergraduate degrees in business and wanted to specialize in the textile industry. While I had broad preparation in textiles and fashion; this program required additional coursework in business, economics and renewed study of a foreign language. I would stray from consumer psychology entirely, focusing instead on textile economics. Of course, no research project guaranteed a career in the bridal industry, but I preferred not to work in the import-export business.
Until the end of my first semester, I spent hours with Dr. Perez discussing my options. She took time to counsel me; listen to my dreams and concerns; and provided honest, sincere feedback. I had come to Virginia University to study consumer behavior but also to learn about the real world and how I might earn a living. The first actual advice I received on these subjects came from Victoria Perez. She genuinely cared about me, and I adored her as a mother figure. I asked if she could serve as my advisor for a bridal consumer study. Unfortunately, department politics dictated that fashion students work with the professor who believed everything was already known about this subject. After weighing my options, I decided to work with Dr. Perez anyway on one of her funded projects. Rather than completing a thesis, we decided the best alternative would be to earn my Master of Arts degree through a project and examination. A less rigorous route, I could graduate sooner and move on to another university for an additional master’s degree or doctorate that more closely matched my goals. Had I not met Dr. Perez, I would have transferred as soon as possible.
Although I had never heard of expert consumer panels before working with Dr. Perez, I dove into the academic literature researching the subject for a review that my mentor and her colleague at another university planned to publish as part of their funded research. While I would not have chosen this topic, I delighted in the methodology rather than the material itself. Under Victoria; I learned how to find information, perform literature searches and write like a scholar. She corrected my mistakes compassionately and praised my work with constructive sincerity. I worked diligently to please this woman whom I respected. She provided the foundation I needed to become a legitimate researcher. Dr. Perez became my role model, and I contemplated becoming an academian based on her example.
During the course of my studies, I considered staying in Virginia to earn my doctorate under Dr. Perez’ tutelage; although it meant forfeiting bridal consumer research. She placed her hand compassionately on top of mine and explained that she had previously planned to retire at the end of the academic year. However, Victoria decided to prolong her tenure another year to guide me through my master’s degree. She could not possibly continue to work until I completed a doctoral degree. Without my knowledge, this woman made a sacrifice for me, a girl she met only a few months before. My eyes filled with tears as I leaned forward to embrace my mentor.
When I went home for Christmas I viewed myself as a different person, not only because I adopted a more positive attitude, but also because someone had cared for me. Dr. Perez made me feel capable and appreciated. Her encouragement gave me confidence and focus. During that first term at Virginia University, I never thought of skating. I did not skate on ice or wheels, nor did I long to skate. Apparently, I had made a break from the fantasy of my youth and moved on to more mature, realistic ambitions. For the first time since childhood, I did not actively resent my parents, more specifically my mother, for denying me the opportunity to skate and treating me like a disappointment. I did not forgive her either, but simply put the negativity of her upbringing behind me and enjoyed the goodness in other people. While visiting my mother on Christmas Eve, I noticed a bond developing between her and Carole. This pleased the charitable part of my personality. Knowing I could not form this bond, I was glad that she might share a healthy relationship with one of her daughters. The best I hoped to establish was a civil, distant connection.
I spent the rest of the vacation at my father’s house or with Devin. Devin did not take me skating either and I did not request a trip to the roller rink. Maybe the change I perceived in myself was primarily an internal tranquility that did not manifest into my daily behavior. If Devin noticed any differences, he certainly never mentioned them; although, he seemed genuinely delighted to see me. While I felt like a new person, Devin appeared to be his old self. After only a few months, I could not expect profound evolution. Like our first meeting after my relationship ended with Mohammed, we fell into step as though we never parted. A comfortable habit, it also disturbed me because Devin evidently yearned for nothing more than what he already had. He went to work everyday and came home in the repeatable, tedious pattern reserved for middle aged people stranded on a professional plateau. Perhaps he had a few meaningless dates, but none that deterred his interest in marrying me when I returned home after finishing my masters’ degree.
My fortuitous association with Dr. Perez essentially excluded the possibility that I would hurry back to Northern California after graduation. I had a doctoral degree to earn and an academic appointment to secure. However, I neglected to mention these aspirations to my old boyfriend. They were new ideas and I was not certain that I would entertain them long enough to pose a serious threat to our union. Conveniently, Devin did not surprise me with a diamond ring as a Christmas gift. Leaving our relationship casual with undefined parameters, I told him I would see him in May and departed again for the spring semester in Virginia.
As the semester began, I found myself spending increasing amounts of time in the computer laboratories working on my literature review. I could not afford my own computer and the department’s limited computing facilities were rarely available. The open access laboratories also offered help desk support, which I found beneficial as a novice user. There I met Neil, a student member of the technical staff who seemed eager to greet and help me whenever I walked into the facility. Avoiding my roommate and her amorous boyfriend one Friday evening, I selected a terminal in the nearly empty laboratory. Early in the semester, only dedicated graduate students spend Friday nights in computer labs. Neil looked up from a magazine, took his feet off the desk and approached me as I pulled a stack of photocopied articles from my backpack.
“What are you doing here tonight?” he asked warmly.
“I have all of these articles to add to my literature review,” I explained.
“You must like to do something other than study,” the young man ventured.
Suddenly nervous, I untied and refastened my ponytail. “Of course, I do.”
“Well, Kate,” Neil pried, “tell me what you like to do.”
I drew a complete blank and smiled helplessly at Neil who began to snicker as though he had discovered an embarrassing secret. “Do you like movies?”
“Sure,” I agreed readily.
“What else?”
“Skating,” I blurted suddenly. “I love to skate.” I actually had not thought of skating since the previous summer when Devin took me to the roller rink near his parents’ house. Aside from studying and working, I did little other than have an occasional meal or drink with a friend. I did not play tennis, jog or ski. I lacked the financial freedom to shop for antiques or anything else. Other than skating, I had few hobbies. Although I sewed and sketched, these did not constitute activities to share with a friend or date.
“There’s a roller rink in the next town,” Neil recalled. “May I take you next weekend?”
A bright smile broke on my face. “Yes, I would like that.” Since I began to date, skating had been part of my social life. Maybe skating would remain part of my life if only as an infrequent social outing.
“The lab closes in two hours. If you don’t plan to spend the rest of the night in the library, maybe you would consider a late dinner with me?”
Nodding at Neil as he returned to the front desk, I began to shuffle though my papers.
In Virginia, I began a new life and viewed the world with childlike wonder again. The year of rest at my father’s house liberated me from the painful relationship that tainted my last months of college and the disappointment I felt about skating and my substandard talent as a fashion designer. I came to Virginia to discover new abilities and pursue new dreams. Happily, I left my shyness and inhibitions in California and embraced the chance to start fresh in an environment where no one knew me. Recreating myself, I became more outgoing and positive. I made friends and took advantage of the myriad opportunities the university offered.
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